Tag Archives: humorous

Silence of the Lambs

What’s for dinner, a plate of liver and a nice glass of Chianti?

Didn’t know you were into S & M Where’s you handcuffs?

The acerbic, taunting, hurtful comments just kept on coming, each one of them slicing into my heart like a knife through butter. And why was I being subjected to this vile abuse, you might ask? Just because we were supposed to be going on holiday with friends and they were threatening to leave me home alone while they jetted off to the sun… and the fact I’d just walked into the room looking like a deranged psychopath with my face concealed under Hannibal Lector’s mask?

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PINEAPPLE AND EGGS

One day I went into the art staff room – the place where all the hippies gather to mull over their latest piece of indecipherable nonsense – where I was working and while I was waiting for a colleague who was on the telephone, I picked up a book and started flicking through the pages. Imagine my disgust when I came across what I thought was a “selfie” published without my permission, my horrified, contorted face grimacing in disgust at having come across a piece of modern art.

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